What Happens When We Don’t Get What We Need?

The holidays bring families together who live far apart. Laughter rings out through our homes. Joyous toasts are made. Connections strengthened. Bonds solidified once again – whether we are lighting yet another Chanukah candle or gazing with wonder at the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree – or like so many in today’s world – doing both.
 
It’s that time of year. Family rituals and traditions are repeated – a backdrop of warmth and bonhomie permeates each moment. We are surrounded by people whose infectious laughs warm our hearts and whose brilliant smiles foster deep contentment within us. And, in the rare interludes of calm and quiet, our friends and family will often cast-off their habitual one up-manship banter and listen patiently to our own corners of pain and frustration without iterating their own.
 
But what happens when the holidays are a time primarily of sadness and loss? Dashed expectations? Feelings of disconnection and irrelevancy? What happens when a smile on our faces just won’t materialize? And when there aren’t a coterie of supportive people enveloping us in a circle of love and hope?
 
Fortunately, there are many who have come before us to light the way through the tunnel of despair. For all those who approach the holiday season with some trepidation and sadness, you are not alone.
 
Jan Richardson who is an artist, poet and ordained minister, lost her husband quite suddenly in 2013 after only a few years of marriage. 

Singer/songwriter Garrison Doles was both Jan’s marriage partner and creative partner and in the aftermath of her loss, Jan wrote extensively about the terrain of grief.  And what she discovered is that “hope has proven to be wildly stubborn.”
 
Amidst the chaos of the world today, that line is worth noting – as is this poem she composed entitled “Serendipity Corner.”
 
To all that is chaotic in you,
Let there come silence.
Let there be a calming
Of the clamoring,
A stilling of the voices that
Have laid their claim on you, that have made their
Home in you, that go with you even to the 
Holy places but will not
Let you rest, will not let you
Hear your life with wholeness
Or feel the grace that fashioned you.
Let what distracts you cease.
Let what divides you cease.
Let there come an end
To what diminishes and demeans,
And let depart all that keeps you
In its cage. Let there be
An opening into the quiet
That lies beneath
The chaos, where you find
The peace 
You did not think 
Possible
And see what shimmers
Within the storm.
 
I get the feeling what Jan Richardson is espousing is that in spite of being thrown at times into the isolating silos of heartbreak, grief, loneliness and despair, the healing power of hope encourages us to live life to its fullest.
 
Happy Holidays and Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
 
Iris Ruth Pastor
 
PS For further readings, check out the rich array of books written by Jan Richardson. One in particular caught my eye: