To my dear sister, Lori,
This week’s column is devoted to giving you advice to start off the New Year – which I am SURE you are so very anxious to hear. Being ten years younger, you’re probably quite sick of not only my advice, but gleaning wisdom from the host of experiences I have had over the years – not all of which ended in victory, progress or satisfaction on my part.
But on the subject of nurturing longevity – since I’ve decided to live until age 96 – another twenty years – I’m waxing verbose when it comes to your longevity too.
Here goes on what can you expect in the next decade:
The only things that will get thinner are your lips, the hair on the crown of your head and the skin on your skinny arms – where you will surely develop capillary fragility. Look it up if you want.
https://www.wellrx.com/hn/us/assets/health-condition/capillary-fragility/~default/#:~:text=About%20This%20Condition,a%20person%20has%20capillary%20fragility
Mom had it and so did our Aunt Mel. And so do I.
Your eyelids will get more fuggy – I mean puffy – and the bags under your eyes will become more pronounced.
In less than ten years, no one will exclaim with wonder when you tell them that you have no more children in their thirties.
The grandkids you are so eagerly anticipating will be over their adoring stage with you and your husband and heaven only knows what techy toys will be capturing their rapturous attention. If they are “raised right” they may still acknowledge your presence when you cross the threshold into their homes.
Your daily life will become less efficient as you forgot more and more things, events, facts and how to perform certain tasks. If you are wise, you will write EVERYTHING DOWN and KEEP IT HANDY (IN PLAIN SIGHT). If you are flush with cash, you may consider utilizing a concierge doctor.
I don’t have to again reiterate about the abundance of facial hair you will notice – that has been adequately covered in many of my former columns.
Any trait that irritates you about your husband will magnify – and vice versa with him in regards to your behavior and quirks.
Oh yes, you may need hearing aids.
And you will be giving away any shoes with the least bit of a platform because your balance will suck.
NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS:
You will wake up each day with a profound sense of gratitude. I’ve been reciting the Hebrew prayer Modi Amie very morning in recognition of my good fortune – you may want to also.
Modeh ani lefanekha melekh ḥai vekayam sheheḥezarta bi nishmati b’ḥemlah, rabah emunatekha.
I gratefully thank you, O living and eternal king, for you have returned my soul within me with compassion – abundant is Your Faithfullness!
You will be happier and more at peace as never before. Even though you are surrounded by the inevitable decrements of your aging, you will recognize it’s better “to be over the hill, than under it.”
You will take profound pleasure in the little things – a candle with a pleasant aroma, a text from a grandchild, an unexpected Face Time call from an old friend, a newly found picture of our parents, a distant relative tracked downs through Ancestry.
You will feel deep gratitude for your home, your financial security, your burgeoning family and the good deeds you and your husband have performed in the community and beyond over the past decades.
Of course, again We Plan, G-d Laughs, so what’s the harm in a little projection as long as we do so tongue-in-cheek, right?
And yeah, one more thing, when speaking of tongue-in-cheek – your teeth will yellow if you are fortunate enough to still have them. But, if I know you, you will still be smiling that fantastic smile forever.
I sure hope so.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
PS: You will constantly misplace your phone and every once in a while, you will ask me why I never write about you in my newsletter.