For so many years, my mother was my North Star.
After she died, I realized I had internalized many of her life lessons – along with a modicum of her amazing creativity and her unending zest for life – all residing securely within me in my gut.
Thus, after she passed away, my own gut became my North Star.
My mom was not perfect. She had no filter, could be wildly illogical and considered an adult child who moved out of town having committed an action of unforgivable abandonment. Nevertheless, I loved her deeply. – even if at times it was laced with cutting ambivalence.
Prompted by these conflicting emotions, early Sunday morning I sent out an inquiry for my Mother’s Day column asking for words to describe my newsletter recipients’ moms.
The responses poured in all day Sunday – glowing after glowing after glowing accolades. And with each answer I read, my anxiety heightened. All I could think of was that whenever my sons from out of town visited, the first thing they headed for was the LIQUOR STORE! What did that say about MY mothering?
So, seeking some solace and a reduction in my blood pressure, I then asked those who had responded to also tell me an annoying thing their mothers did. I needed to know I wasn’t the only mom who annoyed her kids at times (or on a regular basis.)
Here are a smattering of the responses:
My mom was the best mother in the world. She was the meaning of “I love you no matter what.” Her kids were her whole life. I learned how to be a great Mom from her.
On the other hand…Everything had to be a certain way. Nothing out of place. If it was different than the way she placed it, it had to be moved. And wouldn’t you know it, I am the exact same way!!
Adele W.
Fashionable and protective.
On the other hand…I remember her making me sit in the backseat of her car – presumably to avoid the front seat air bag, but I remember thinking that she must not like me! HaHa.
Tyler S.
My mom is beautiful and still so active at 91. May I be like her. Because of her, I learned Spanish and learned about another culture.
On the other hand… she was always checking my ears before leaving the house to make sure they were clean – that was annoying.
Diane Stull
My mother was all encompassing love.
Every single person in her life – from the receptionist at her doctor’s office to her neighbor and butcher – to her beloved great granddaughters – all felt and thought they were uniquely the ONE she loved the most in life.
On the other hand…Everyone would refuse to shop for Skirt Steak for her Moroccan brochettes. Her demands for the precise cut and thickness made all of us and every butcher in town cringe, knowing that she would reject at least half the order.
Michele B.
My mom wasn’t my birth mom… My mom was my Aunt Reva…She always was there…whether it was in the middle of the night or when my son died. She let me come and live with her when I had no place to go. She saved me so I could graduate from high school. She gave me a path to be an adult woman…I don’t think I would’ve survived without her…She was and always has been the mother I needed.
On the other hand…she was pretty perfect, but she did like her Long Island Iced Teas and her champagne.
Sandra L.
My mother always knew the right things to say to me when I was upset, such as when I didn’t feel that I was popular enough with everyone at school, as I changed school so many times. She said that’s not what’s important and you’ll see that later life that doesn’t mean anything… and she taught me to believe in God. And I’m very comfortable praying to God.
On the other hand…Whenever an ambulance or truck came by, she made me close my eyes to avoid the evil eye!
Meryl K.
Endless support and unconditional love!
On the other hand…She is a backseat driver 🙂
Suzanne B.
I always thought of my mom as more of my best friend than my mother. She is caring, warm, and always there when I need her. She is present, curious, and full of personality and fun. I’ve always admired her spunk and ability to just be herself.
On the other hand…There was a magnet on my fridge growing up that said “Rule #1, Mom is always right. Rule #2, If Mom is not right, see rule #1.” I’ve since learned that although mom is right about most things, there are some things she was wrong about. 🙂
Courtney L.
One word to describe my mom was selfless. She prioritized the needs of her family and supporting friends first over her own needs. She did it with kindness, generosity and compassion – without expecting personal gain.
On the other hand…the annoying thing she did was that she would talk incessantly about my brother and his wife to my wife and me and constantly talk about us to them. Once all of us realized she was doing this, it became our favorite topic of conversation and a running joke.
Jeff L.
My beautiful mother was loving, strong and committed to our family!
On the other hand…She made me ride with her when she drove my younger sister and brother to school when I begged to ride the bus. She said hoodlums were on the bus.
Nancy L.
Whenever I was faced with a catastrophe, my mom would help me put it into perspective… She was also our greatest cheerleader. She was always so proud of everyone’s accomplishments and let us know that in front of others. (In my teenage years, it was sometimes embarrassing!)
On the other hand…When I was growing up, she used to be too cheerful in the morning! She would start with a loud crow like a rooster and then proclaim that “sleeping is for the dead!” and we’ll have plenty of time to sleep then!
I was not a morning person!!
Denni G.
My mom was QUIET STRENGTH.
She fought cancer for 21 years while working, raising two children and managing our home – and all with an air of confidence and a brave smile.
On the other hand…Mother was one to let her opinion be known. No filter.
My parents hosted every holiday and included my helpless Aunt Jane and her husband the verbose, know-it-all, Uncle Bob. They also frequently hosted international graduate students from UC for holiday dinners.
On this particular Thanksgiving, the student were visiting from China. As a hostess gift they proudly presented the table with Chinese Zodiac cards listing years and associated animals. Uncle Bob interrupted the conversation to announce he was “born in the year of the boar!”. My mother promptly responded, “That surprises no one, Bob.”
Mother was an expert in the art of the insult. She would deliver the comment with perfect timing, while smiling politely, then immediately change the subject as the rest of the table just watched with mouths agape.
Jeanne D.
My mother taught me wonderful things and to delight in my life – all from her never ending, funny stories. No matter how much she told the same story over and over, it always got funnier…
Mom was the only child of 6 children born in America. Her family were Romanians and Orthodox Jews who escaped in the early 1900’s. Mom would only eat Kosher Meat. She taught her 3 children, “Do as I say, but not as I do. You can eat Bacon, but I cannot. I will cook it for you. Because of the way I was brought up, I cannot eat this; it will make me sick – but you don’t have to believe it will make you sick.”
On the other hand…If I sat quietly on the living room couch doing the thing I love… READING… she would find a job for me to do… i.e., get the laundry out of the dryer and fold it. Very gruntled by the interruption to “myself time”, I would obey and perform for her, but hey, I was young and she was tired.
Sherry C.
My mom: Loving. Supportive. Positive. Joyous.
We could be together all day and call each other as soon as we got home.
On the other hand…She NEVER cursed and did not like when I did!
It was third grade in Philadelphia. I overheard two boys on the playground say a magical word that had a ring to it: F..K! As I skipped home for lunch, I shouted the word at the top of my lungs with no idea what it meant. My mom was outside waiting for me and heard this outburst. She grabbed me by the collar, leaned in close and hissed: “You will never say that word again!”
I was 30 before I could ever say it.
Jackie W.
What’s my point?
We as mothers don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
