15 Reasons Why I Could Divorce My Husband
He never throws away his used tissues – rather, he leaves the crumpled up messes on any available surface – for me to dispose of them.
His organizational method post-retirement is to throw everything he needs to deal with in his grandmother’s wicker wash basket and go through his accumulation “at his leisure.”
Though he constantly reminds me how logical he is, he has zero tech skills and no interest in retaining what I show him how to do.
He has no sense of direction.
When I DO cook dinner for both of us, he comes to the table ten minutes after I inform him it’s ready. By that time, his food is cold, I’m practically done eating and my attitude matches the temperature of his slice of salmon.
He doesn’t understand why I need more than three pairs of black shoes nor is he interested in finding out WHY I can’t get by with just black sandals, black boots and black running shoes. Has he never heard of stilettos, espadrilles, flats, and flip flops?
He finds the two topics that I obsess over utterly boring: my weight and my hair. I don’t find his lack of a head full of curls too stimulating either but at least I listen to his lamentations over his balding skull.
His favorite answer to anyone’s request of us is, “Iris will do it.” And he invites EVERYONE we know to come visit us in Florida over the winter. And I mean EVERYONE.
He can’t find a can of baked beans or a package of Ritz crackers in the pantry, even though he is looking right at it.
He lets our son’s labradoodle, JoJo, sleep in our bed when she visits – on my side – and tells me “I’ll get used to it”. It’s been 2 years and I haven’t gotten used to it. What I have gotten used to is sleeping in our guest room when JoJo graces us with her presence on OUR bed.
He’s always at least eight minutes late to leave the house when we have somewhere to be – which drives me crazy and results in my never pulling out of the driveway in a good mood.
He gets sucked into ordering life enhancing products and pills for those of us over 65 – intrigued by the offers just popping into his e mail account. Then he regrets ordering them, but waits too long to return them and then gets mad that they won’t refund his money. And then gets mad at me because I am mad at him.
He offers to water the plants and then by the time he gets around to doing it, another basil plant has bit the dust.
He is incapable of packing for any trip we go on and then insists I help him pack twice as much as he actually will need. Once we reach our destination, he admits I’m right – until the next time.
He is totally incapable of multi-tasking.
So why do I put up with his “deficiencies”?
5 Reasons I’ll Never Divorce My Husband
Because every time I go to a Cincinnati Reds game with him, I learn something new about the game of baseball.
Because he is truly the kindest person I have ever met.
Because I can always count on him to have my best interests at heart.
And – finally …
Because I love him madly
and couldn’t imagine life without him.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,