How would you like it if every time you opened your mouth to speak you were terrified?
How would you like it if you had to tell your teachers you were just too shy to publicly speak when that wasn’t the case at all?
How would you like it if every time you had to read out loud in school or give a report orally you were flooded with fear?
How would you like it when every single time you were asked “What’s your name?” your words simply wouldn’t come out and then the person who asked you that question would either laugh nervously or walk away shaking their head with puzzlement over what a weird girl they had just encountered – a girl who didn’t even know her own name?
How would you like it if you dreaded every milestone event even when you weren’t the focus or large family holiday functions where everyone talked fast and furious around you?
How would you like it if teachers and friends and relatives didn’t understand you?
How would you like it if when your parents sent you to a speech therapist, she couldn’t figure out what was “wrong” with you?
How would you like it if you went through life with the only relief being solitude?
That was my niece’s world.
Courtney stuttered.
Courtney couldn’t get her words out.
“So much of life requires talking, especially when I was growing up before texting and e mail,” she readily admits. “My speech issues impacted every decision I made and every situation I faced.”
“My life,” relates Courtney, “was filled with fear and confusion and a great desire for not wanting to be different from other kids. And I wasn’t great at talking about it because talking about it meant it was real – and if it was real, I had to deal with it.”
The years passed.
There were always so many unanswered questions rattling about in her head:
- Where does stuttering come from?
- Is it a result of trauma?
- Why is it so variable?
- Why are all the systems in the brain not interacting in the most optimal way?
- Is there is a physical cause?
- Why, in many cases, does stuttering as people grow-up just “go away”?
She began to search for and find some answers.
There are all sorts of triggers that can cause people to stutter: Talking about something linguistically complex
or when social demands are intensely high
And often, the more you try not to stutter, the more you do.
And yet, people don’t stutter when they sing.
People don’t stutter when they talk to themselves out loud.
Courtney describes her stuttering as similar to losing control of a car on the ice. ‘Your first reaction is to slam on the brakes to get control. And that’s the worst thing you can do,” Courtney stresses emphatically. “You are supposed ‘to go with it.’”
And the question Courtney continually pondered throughout her growing-up years was just that: “How do you roll with it?”
Next week: Courtney’s Breakthrough
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
PS: Monday is Labor Day – a day to focus on, appreciate and recognize the hard work of all individuals who contribute to our communities, our economy, our health, safety and well-being.
Enjoy a day of leisure.