Throughout my growing up years,
when I wanted to feel good
and when I needed reassurance that everything would be okay,
I went to my mother.
But when I wanted the truth – the unvarnished truth – I turned to my friends.
We need our friends.
I guess that’s why over 200 women of all ages and at all stages attended The Art of Female Friendship event on April 12th.
Here are some key take-aways from my speech about making a new friend, keeping the ones you have and
overcoming conversational hurdles.
HOT TAKE AWAY #1: Don’t overshare!
If we thought about it, how many of us would admit that over the course of our lives we may have spent a little too much time saying to ourselves, “I should have shut up ten minutes ago”?
It happens, especially when we’re anxious or eager to take a relationship to the next level by attempting to build depth and a sense of emotional intimacy. But it’s not necessarily a good idea to do that before the friendship is really ready…Maybe it’s a bit too soon to share your lifelong battle with yeast infections, your complicated history with your ex or how you lost your virginity.
At the same time, no one wants to be friends with a carefully curated version of yourself – as the old saying goes: “I only have met four perfect people in my life and I didn’t like any of them.”
HOT TAKEAWAY #2: Listen.
Active listening is not so easy. It means paying close attention to what the other person is saying and listening so you can respond with authentic and open-ended questions. Expressing curiosity is a great social skill – opening up a world of knowledge and valuable insights you could otherwise miss. If you’re just focused on what you’re going to say next, you’ll end up missing most of what your new pal is saying.
HOT TAKE AWAY #3: Be cautious when using humor.
Keep in mind that one woman’s idea of humor is another’s woman’s idea of a broken friendship. So tread lightly.
For instance, what do you think of sharing this with a friend? “A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.”
Pretty clever observation right?
Now what do you think of this one?
“Friends are like condoms. They protect us when things get hard.”
Some of my buddies would think that comparison is hysterical. Others? Others would say, “Really, Iris, need you be so crude?”
HOT TAKE AWAY #4: FIND COMMONALITY
THINK ABOUT WHO YOU FEEL MOST COMFORTABLE WITH.
I have found an immediate and unmistakable bond with one particular group of people:
· Now that I am living in Tampa, I am instantly attracted to People from Ohio, particularly my hometown of Cincinnati and as a bonus – those people who are Cincinnati Reds fans – this is not a large number, however.
HOT TAKE AWAY #5: Embrace relational diversity and generational diversity.
One bestie may be great but having various women you can go to for different things – leaning into their unique offerings – is worth considering and actually leads to greater happiness. You’ve got a pickle ball friend, a friend you exchange book ideas with, entrepreneurial friends, elder friends, youngish friends, and creative friends.
HOT TAKE AWAY #6: Two good CONVERSATION JUMP-STARTERS:
1. ROSE, THORN, BUD.
ROSE – What’s good in your life?
THORN – What’s challenging in your life?
BUD – What are you looking forward to?
2. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF?
If you missed the first event, don’t despair – the next one is coming up soon.
Please register at: www.JewishTampa.com/Bloom
Until then, Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
