It may seem a rather negative way to kick-off a New Year’s column, but let’s face it, big bad stuff happens:
A teen-age daughter develops Tourette’s
A toddler begins stuttering
A beloved relative passes away
A spouse cheats
A career ends in infamy
A home is lost in bankruptcy
Even smaller bad stuff happens:
Blowing a history test
Not making the team
Breaking a favorite knickknack
The dry cleaner losing your cashmere sweater
Putting a huge dent in your new car
How do we rebound? And what do we do with our feelings when the mad and the sad and the bad come along? What do we do when our emotions are out of control?
I know from experience the last thing we should do is turn our ugly, volatile feelings inward and wreak havoc on ourselves – nor dump those explosive emotions on those we love.
I was riding my bike one Sunday afternoon, listening to Terry Gross’s podcast “Fresh Air.” She was interviewing Marielle Heller, the director of the movie “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” – all about Mr. Fred Rogers.
She mentioned that before she started directing Tom Hanks (who plays Rogers) and the other actors, she visited the Buddhist Zen Center in Brooklyn. Heller learned it’s not about turning away from the pain, but embracing it fully – that is the goal of enlightenment. When we are able to feel all the pain, we are able to empathize with what others are going through. We become like a vessel to hold it. And when we are enlightened, we are at peace.
Mr. Rogers’ gift to his young audiences was telling kids the truth. And tackling tough subjects.
What do you do when nothing seems to be working our right?
Here’s what Mr. Rogers had to say:
https://youtu.be/F9E-I7yBwIc
Fred Rogers was a sick child – often isolated and frequently bullied. And in his own head a lot – left to his own devices. Many speculate that his childhood experiences may be one reason he spent the rest of life trying to be both super connected and a source of relentless kindness.
I learned more about Mr. Rogers from an article written by Jeanne Marie Laskas in the New York Times Magazine.
A few of Fred Rogers’ thoughts worth carrying forth into the New Year:
I think the greatest thing about things is that they remind you of people.
Even though Fred was sickly as a child with asthma and rheumatic fever, his grandfather told Fred: You’ve got to learn to do things for yourself.
He also told Fred: There’s only one person in the world like you and I happen to like you just the way you are.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEeEEc_djco
Fred said that went right into his heart and it never budged.
Fred Rogers explored the emotional landscape of kids and realized along with his lifetime collaborator, Margaret McFarland, that anything human is mentionable and anything mentionable is manageable.
And that creativity fills the gap between what is and what might be.
May we all have a simple, manageable 2020 -buoyed by creativity and caring – and aimed at re-shaping a new and better world.
Adapting that mindset is the first thing – and maybe the only thing- on my 2020 New Year’s Resolution List
I hope it’s on yours too.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
