I used to think the key to happiness was having hair like my friend Rella’s. She has masses of sun streaked, golden curls that frame her face in a wild, beautiful way. So I bleached my hair, permed my hair and tried to force my hair into framing my face in a wild and beautiful way. Just like Rella’s. It didn’t work.
So I’ve learned to accept.
I used to think the key to happiness was having closets as neat and orderly as my mom’s. Her towels are folded and lined up in perfect rows, by color and size. Canned goods are regularly routed so that the same can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup doesn’t occupy the same spot in the back of the shelf for three years running. So I organized my linens, my purses, my pantry and my kids’ summer clothes. Just like my mom’s. It worked, but it didn’t stay that way.
So I’ve learned to accept.I used to think the key to happiness was making a decent living. The money comes in regularly and gets deposited in a timely fashion in a balanced (well, some of the time) checking account. The only trouble is that as quickly as it comes in, it goes out – to the cleaners and the grocers and the orthodontist and the shoe store – sometimes even in larger amounts than what came in. Uh Oh.
So I’ve learned to accept.
I used to think the key to happiness was losing weight and having the skinniest possible body my bone structure would realistically allow. The only trouble is that in order to maintain the skinniest possible body my bone structure would realistically allow, I had to eat the least amount possible in order to maintain it.. I decided five pounds and padded hips was better than constant gnawing hunger.
So I’ve learned to accept.
I used to think the key to happiness was driving the kind of car you really wanted in the color you really wanted. And then my husband bought me just that car. The only trouble is that even when driving just the car I wanted, in the exact color I wanted, I noticed a strange thing. It hasn’t prevented me from being impatient at long red lights, irritated at traffic tie-ups on the expressway and highly frustrated over having to retrace my footsteps back from my job downtown because I forgot my purse on the kitchen table.
So I’ve learned to accept.
I used to think the key to happiness was to be soft spoken and calm and use nonjudgmental, tasteful words – just like my mother-in-law. The only problem was that my thoughts were hyper, judgmental, off color and passionate. I started suffering from migraines and unexplained and untimely stomach upsets. I decided honest, spontaneous expression (and passion) was better for my health.
So I ‘ve learned to accept.
I used to think the key to happiness was being as creative as my friend Pam, as optimistic as my friend Julie and as unencumbered as my friend Sherry.
I used to think the key to happiness was being as free as my friend Francine, as kind and caring as my friend Gloria, and as generous as my friend Laurin.
But I’ve found, even when I have occasional spurts of creativity, optimism, freedom, kindness and caring, happiness can still prove short-lived and illusory.
So I’ve learned to:
give up on the hair and neat closets
cherish the pay check even when it falls short
celebrate the body
enjoy the car
resign myself to my own individual personality
And acknowledge what I’ve intuitively known all along: that the key to happiness is simply TO ACCEPT.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
This column was written many, many years ago, adjusted with minor updates – and the bulk of it remains true.
