I always miss the obvious – a fact that my sister gleefully and frequently points out. And she is 100 % right.
This week I worked on a lovely column about the power of cultivating and caring for plants and how this nurturing of nature raises our spirits, instills resiliency and helps maintain our sound mental health. Intermittently, I was busy on the internet ordering Father’s Day presents for the three of my sons who are dads.
And as I continued to type, edit, and finish up my column on flowers and plants, I flipped through recipes books looking for just the right dish to bring to our Father’s Day celebration at the beach.
Thursday morning, I woke up.
Thursday morning, I did a big WHOOPS.
I realized with a shock that Father’s Day was less than 48 hours away and I had failed to write about this significant holiday!
There are tons of articles on the Internet about parenting in today’s world. Helicopter Parenting has become a very recognizable moniker for those parents who hover too close, taking an over protective and excessive interest in their child.
But do you know what the latest identifying phrase is for parents? Lawn Mower Parents – those of us who knock down any obstacles in our children’s paths – intervening and protecting our kids from any discomfort or problematic situation.
With those very harsh identifiers in mind, I decided to ask some veteran fathers – who are not like that at all – for their take on what is most salient in their role of father.
Here are a few of their responses;
Rabbi Gary Klein:
My father, Joe Klein, of blessed memory, was very affectionate, patient, devoted and always available. I grew up feeling that there was no difference between my mother’s role in my life and my father’s…While growing up, I felt as if I had two mothers, my mother and my father! While I remember my mother being very loving and nurturing, my father was just as great a source of comfort and nurturing. He would frequently hold me in his arms the way my mother did, snuggle with me on the couch as we watched the Ed Sullivan Show, or listened to symphonic music on our stereo with me drinking warm milk that he prepared to help me sleep. While he always earned a good living as an automobile salesman, I never felt that he put career success or any personal interest over expressing love to his children. He made himself a part of every joyous moment in my life. He also provided great comfort for me during the sad or frightening or difficult times.
When other relatives would criticize him for his constant, tireless and selfless devotion to me and to my brother, he would say, “Kids don’t ask to be born”.
Jeff Luckman:
My daughters gave me this in a plaque one Father’s Day:
DAD (noun):
- Man who loves, provides and protects his family at all times
- Advice giver, coach, instruction manual reader, fixer
- The one with photos in his wallet, where money used to be
Max Pastor
Being present and practicing tikun olam (leaving the situation and the next generation in a better position than you found it).
Dr. John Bucuvalas
Listening and learning and committing to be better is key. The world is changing rapidly and is increasingly complex. Just because you are older, doesn’t mean you know better.
Frank Cohen
Giving love, support, guidance and the feeling that dad is always in your corner.
Steven Pastor
Love their mother and letting them know they don’t have to be perfect to succeed in life.
Harry Sudman
Don’t badmouth their mother and set a good example.
Louie Pastor
There is a famous Woody Allen quote that basically says 99% of life is just showing up. This is especially true of being a parent. The vast majority of being a good father is just being present, which includes being mentally present when you are physically present – e.g. not staring at your phone. Beyond that, I would say meeting your kids where they are – being interested in what they are interested in, not just trying to get them interested in what you are interested in.
Lou’s comment totally coincides with my opinion – supported by the conclusion of the series’ finale of Ted Lasso as seen on Apple TV. Don’t miss it.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom and to all the dads out there: HAPPY FATHER’S DAY,
Iris Ruth Pastor