The Height of Chutzpah 

I recently threw myself a 75^th birthday party. 
 
It took a little chutzpah – I’ll admit – but I quickly got over my misgivings at how giving myself a party appeared so self-absorbed and self-serving. And I had a great time planning it too: Venue. Table decorations. Menu. Party favors. Guest list.
 
I started with neighborhood kids I had played with. I added cronies from elementary School, high School and adulthood. Each invitation included a written request to each of my guests to come up with one word that describes me and why they picked that word.
 
So, at my birthday party, it was kinda like being at my own funeral – tee hee – because I got to hear everyone say good and wonderful things about me – even though most were highly exaggerated. And, of course, I didn’t have to show up grotesquely made-up, confined to a coffin. I was carefully coiffed, greeting each guest effusively and then leaning forward eagerly absorbing every morsel of praise they heaped upon me.
 
It was glorious!
 
However, my husband’s remarks went in another direction entirely. Here goes: 
Iris is the mirror image of the energizer bunny – talented with many diverse interests and always fully engaged in all aspects of life.
However, I don’t want to give you the impression that she is perfect. She is often illogical and misses the obvious. And there is no person, living or dead, who has ever aggravated me more.
 
Here are a few examples:
When we first married, we lived in a second floor apartment with Harry and Frank, who were then 4 and 2 years old. When we were moving into our first house, I was saying goodbye to our first-floor neighbor who was a resident OB_GYN always short on sleep.  I apologized to him for all the noise he and his wife probably had been hearing from our toddlers running up and down the halls.
 
“Actually,” he said. “That wasn’t an issue. It wasn’t the noise of the kids that was disturbing, but the constant fighting of you and Iris that was so disconcerting.”
 
And he didn’t crack a smile when he said it. It was concrete proof of my wife’s ability to drive me nuts.
 
Steven continued:
There is a paper on your table labeled do not turn over. Please turn it over now and pass around the table. Before you take a closer look at it, let me explain the history behind it. 
 
Our son’s Frank’s’ bedroom, when he was about three, was decorated entirely in blues and greens and Iris was intent on finding a print with those same colors to hang above his bed. She found one, had it framed and asked me to pick it up. 
 
When I went to the frame shop to get it, the owner unwrapped it to show me the finished product. I looked at it and said to him, “There must be a terrible mistake, Iris would have never picked this out for our young son, even though the colors are correct and it LOOKS childish.
 
Here is the picture:

 
As you will note, there is Noah and his wife in the ark and the cute little animals walking up, around and into the ark two by two. But they are not just walking, they are also FORNICATING!
 
I called Iris and asked her if she had looked closely at the print.
 
“Yes,” she insisted.  “I know what I picked – it’s got animals and it’s got all the right colors to match Frank’s room.”
 
Without hesitation, I turned to the owner and said, “Wrap it up!”
 
That picture hung, not in Frank’s bedroom, but in every master bath in every home we lived in as a constant reminder of my wife’s endearing  cluelessness. And it will be willed to Frank upon our passing.
 
These days the nest is empty, but the squabbling continues. Mostly age- related issues:
     You are mumbling. Speak louder. 
     Where’d you put the damn remote? 
     I can’t believe you didn’t write it down!
 
Iris and I soldier on in spite of age-related aches, pains and decrements, savoring our children, our grandchildren and each other.
 
The party was a great success in a way I hadn’t anticipated. Comments following the party centered on how wonderful it was to get together with people from our past – with people we played with, squabbled with, trusted and adored. 
 
I highly recommend giving yourself that experience too.
 
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
 
Iris Ruth Pastor
 
PS: How are you celebrating your milestone events these days?