Faulty assumptions are mistaken or misleading suppositions.
Now I DO have assumptions about grand-parenting that have proven to be very true: Regularly doling out unsolicited advice to your adult children on rearing their children is probably not a great idea. Ditto for hovering like a helicopter.
Another assumption: The only way to truly have fun and get super close to your grandchildren is to stay at their house when visiting from out of town.
So when my son first suggested my husband and I would be more comfy at the bed and breakfast down the street, I balked – not to him, but silently.
“Geez,” I later confessed to my husband, “our grandchildren will get up in the morning and we won’t be there, so no climbing in bed with us. And I bet they will be so disappointed.”
Wrong.
The first night we stayed in the bed and breakfast, we literally fled there after reading three books to each of our three young grandchildren, unpacked and hit the bed by 8 pm – where we slept soundly and without interruption. Soundly and without interruption would not have happened at my son’s house for sure.
We got up the next morning without anyone jumping in our beds – heedless of our aches and pains – long before sunrise. In fact, we got up leisurely, admired the beautiful autumn leaves out our large bedroom windows and then proceeded to the dining room where we were served a scrumptious breakfast.
Our grandkids seemed to have survived without seeing us first thing in the morning when we were in town – and when we picked up the 3 year-old at pre-school, her hug was intense and her face lit up with joy. And all she wanted to know was if we had the entire afternoon to play with her, which we did.
By nightfall, we couldn’t wait to high tail it back to our bed and breakfast.
I was wondering what other faulty assumptions I have been lugging around.
On another trip to the New York area, we visited our sons and daughters-in-law who have kids in middle school, junior high and high school. I assumed they’d be preoccupied with their friends and embroiled in the incessant drama of adolescence and teen-age hood.
Wrong again.
To my delighted surprise, they were intensely curious to know tidbits of family history and what my husband and I thought about what was going on worldwide. They asked about their great grandfathers’ serving in World War 2, what our opinions were we about the conflict between Russia and the Ukraine and which Arab countries did we think posed the most danger to the existence of Israel.
My most recent faulty assumption concerns my birthday.
When raising our kids, I was always the one, not my husband, who organized and followed through with gift giving for our parents.
Fast forward to the present: my sons organize the gift giving for my husband and me. One daughter-in-law always sends an additional gift from her nuclear family, but my other two daughters-in-law send short birthday wishes by text.
I am NOT proud of what I am about to disclose: I took my daughters-in-law’s succinct texts in a negative way – like they didn’t care.
- It never dawned on me that the dynamic in their families for gift giving was different than the dynamic in my family.
- It never dawned on me that their not personally picking out a gift, but leaving it up to my sons, was NOT a reflection of their lack of affection for me.
Now I’m wondering: What else in my personal life is due to faulty assumptions and not reality?
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