The Benefits Of Feeling Peaceful Or I Just Wanna Have Fun

I’m just coming down from my high mood after a wonderful family get together with four out of my five sons and their families. 
 
As I was leaving, a family member gave me a very flattering compliment – centered on the fact that I brought my “A” game to the weekend festivities. I think this person meant that I came with high expectations for a fine time and instigated no dramatic interludes or meltdowns.
 
Hee hee.
 
For years, I had the despicable habit of using our family get-togethers as a golden opportunity  to address whatever grievances I harbored or any emotional needs I had that needed to be addressed. And filled.
 
Boy was I misguided.
 
I now view together time with my family as an opportunity for FUN. It’s amazing what a sea change occurs when you go into a family weekend having shed your mantle of grievances and being committed to making hearty partying your top priority.
 
I guess I finally got the memo that if you want to be embraced by your family – if you want them to welcome you wholeheartedly – put a smile on your face and a bounce in your step.
 
Much of the credit for the wisdom written in this column goes to Dr. Fred Luskin and his book Forgive For Good.
 

 
After devouring his book, I started to recognize that life is not always fair and often we do not get what we want. I began to realize I needed to stop allowing my personal grievances to take up so much valuable real estate in my head. 
 
How does a grievance story take root? It happens when we take things too personally and blame the offender for how we feel. When we blame another person, we give away our power and the power to regulate our own emotions. When we adopt a grievance story and become known for it, people begin avoiding us because they are tired of hearing our story. 
 
Many of us have expectations of how other people should react and behave. When we try to unsuccessfully enforce our expectations, we become angry, bitter despondent and helpless. We become imprisoned in silos of negativity and our moods are determined by the random memory of PAST hurts.
 
The first step in the way out of this conundrum is to recognize that what we hope for is not what we usually  get. 
 
Forgiveness of past hurts is taking back our power and taking responsibility for how we feel. We can learn to redirect our energies to dwelling on our good fortune rather than on our past disappointments. We can release our past to heal our present. 
 
As Dr. Luskin says, forgiveness helps us control our feelings and improves our mental and physical health. It’s a choice we can make and a skill we can learn. It’s about focusing on changing the way we think and NOT trying to change the person with whom we are upset. 
 
Luskin goes in to say forgiveness is NOT condoning unkindness, excusing poor behavior, denying our hurt or even reconciling with the offender.
 
Forgiveness says Luskin is deciding who plays on our TV screen. It’s controlling our own remote. 
 

 
 
It’s deciding a past injustice does not have to hurt today. And when we forgive, we do something good for us – less stress, more stability. 
 
I didn’t realize how evident it was to outsiders that I was on my “A” game until the third night of the weekend. An acquaintance approached my youngest son, expressing surprise that he was pulling his mom up to the dance floor. 
 
“How does she merit that?” he asked my son.
 
“My mom’s fun,” he replied simply. 
 
I am reminded once again of the importance of taking time out to PLAY and I’m so happy my kids, grandkids and DIL’s welcome me to the playground. 
 
 
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
 
Iris Ruth Pastor