| We all came together this past weekend for my niece’s wedding to Mark. I looked around the room and realized that the guests attending hailed from more than twenty-five states – representing at least that many viewpoints, philosophies, politics and personalities. I looked around the room and also realized that everyone in that room had one thing in common: a love for Suzanne and Mark, so hopefully that love would ensure that differences could be overlooked. If the Gestalt Theory states that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, then a wedding is made up surely of not just the people attending, but the loved ones who are no longer with us. Pictures, toasts, reminisces and family lore were plentiful during the course of the weekend, ensuring that those who had passed on – with all their quirks – were remembered and acknowledged. My late dad’s favorite toast was repeated frequently amid gales of laughter: “Here’s to those who wish us well, and all the rest can go to Hell!” And Suzanne’s father’s brother, Uncle Eric – who died way too young – was mentioned again and again: his love of life, his compassion and Suzanne’s uncanny similarity to him. And Mark: he was toasted repeatedly by his wide array of buddies for his “Positive Vibes.” His mom and dad and sister filled in the colorful details of Mark’s antics – while all those present could see this was a “match made in Heaven.” My niece had arranged for me to have my hair and make-up professionally done. Because it was NOT my affair, of course I was very happy with the way my up-do turned out. I had asked for kinda messy and not carefully curated, and the lady doing my hair understood completely. Not so for my sister – the mother of the bride. She asked for her hair to be blown dry down, not up. And by her dramatic expression as the hairdresser finished, I could tell my sister was not happy with the result. She pulled me aside. “I look like I’m going to Target ,” she exclaimed, “not walking my daughter down the aisle!” “Of course,” I shot back. “Because it’s your occasion. If it was my occasion, I would have hated my hair too. You know. Murphy’s Law.” She took a deep breath, calmed down and went to find one of the hairdressers to re-do her hair. It was the first time both my sister and I had the exact same hairdo at the same exact time. And the comments this elicited went on all night: “Omg – you two look like twins!”  When not posing for pictures, I watched my grandchildren interreact with each other and dance with wild abandon (as did their parents). I watched truly random people find connection. I watched the bride and groom’s friends party hearty, as if they were teenagers once more and not responsible working adults with spouses and kids. Life is complicated. Everyone is so busy. But the fact that we all carved out the time to come together to witness the marriage of yet another family member was so gratifying. Sure, it went by in a blur. Sure, I certainly didn’t get to spend quality time with the many people I adore. Sure, it was over way too fast. But the feeling of warmth lingers. This is our tribe. We show up for each other. And like the hokey pokey, “That’s what it’s all about.” Keep Preserving Your Bloom, Iris Ruth Pastor |
