Not a Comfortable Place

I’m going through a murky time.
I’m restless – not sleeping well.
I’m torn in too many conflicting directions.
I have an over-abundance of choices
and no clear way forward.
I’m wandering  without direction.
Unwanted thoughts assault me.
 
My brain craves predictability, routine and a state of equilibrium – I crave balance and steadiness and instead I get upheaval and uncertainty and cloudiness.
 
So I ponder and toss restlessly – trying in vain to find a way to cope with the my divergent emotions and lack of a clear path forward.
 
One sleepless night, I make my way to my quiet, dark kitchen and start ripping-off Post It notes from their pad. I mark words on each of the assembled squares. And, like a Ouija Board, without my mind’s directions, my fingers decisively layout the notes in a distinct pattern. 
 
Here’s the finished product:
 

 
I hang the cardboard exhibit on the inside cabinet door in my kitchen – the one holding the coffee mugs – so I will be forced to gaze at it daily. I am counting on it to bring clarity and closure to my restlessness. Some hint of a direction I wish the rest of my life to go in.
 
I had hoped my chart would serve as a mission statement – a guiding light through the murkiness – but as the days roll by, I look at it less and less and then forget about it altogether.
 
Until today –  when I came across the term “liminal space.”
 
Have you ever heard of it? I have not.
 
Liminal space is a transitional place or a place characterized by uncertainty, disorientation and a sense of being between one thing and the next.
 
Hmmmm….. I can relate. 
 
Some examples of liminal spaces would be empty or abandoned buildings that appear eerie or forlorn.
 
Hotels and motels are liminal spaces because they serve a transient purpose as people are either coming in or going out.
 
Ditto for staircases and elevators – people don’t spend much time in them or on them.
 
Ditto for airports, bridges, hallways.  
 
On a more existential level, liminal spaces are associated with people when individuals are in an uncertain time in their lives either physically, emotionally or metaphorically. To be on the precipice of something new but not quite there is a prime example. Or on a tightrope in the exact middle – too far to turn around – too far to the destination to feel comfortable going forward.

 

 
Some examples of liminal spaces that are emotional would be divorce, empty nest, retirement, death of a loved one, graduation, illness. Often after one of these occur, we begin to define our lives as “before” and “after” the event.
 
A liminal space can also exist when we are vacillating between two ideas and, until we make a decision, we remain in that uneasy state.
 
Liminal space can engender fear of not being able to cope and can engender a high level of stress. Liminal space can cause unease, an enveloping sense of disorientation and a lack of a firm identity.
 
On the other hand, liminal space can have a beauty all its own – and can be an opportunity for transfomation and growth. It can be a gateway to learn new things – about ourselves, our world, our people. 
 
Maybe I, too, can view it as a space in my life prompting me to reflect on my experiences and engage in new and untried ways of doing things.
 
I like what Jon Dewaal, founder of Liminal Space, has to say: if you approach it with a degree of hopefulness and curiosity, even if it’s uncomfortable, then an opportunity for transformation is there.”
 
I like that. 
From tumult to discovery. 
From tumult to confidence. 
From tumult to purposeful. 
 
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,