It’s MY Angst – I bet it’s YOURS too

Arianna Huffington is founder and chief executive of the website Thrive Global – a site laser focused on improving people’s mental resilience, health and productivity. She walks the walk – cultivating all kinds of healthy habits during COVID.
For instance, she only allowed herself to binge watch while on her treadmill.

Omg! I wish I had thought of that. I’d still be troubled, but at least I’d be thin, fit, and toned – along with being troubled.

Yep. I am troubled. But I’m gaining clarity.
And two things happening concurrently are helping:
The pandemic is winding down
And thanks to May being Mental Health Awareness Month, I’m realizing that as I re-enter the world, it’s possible to fix what’s not working in my life. It’s possible to abandon distorted, unhealthy habits and thought patterns that have festered during my isolation.

I’m ready to party
I’m ready to dress up for no discernible reason
I’m back to donning espadrilles and applying mascara
Wearing fitted jeans and jaunty jackets
And I’m psyched to tackle thorny issues

One of those issues: PARENTING ADULT KIDS (PAK)
        What do we do when we start feeling irrelevant, neglected, undervalued,           misunderstood and/or taken for granted by our grown-up
sons and daughters?
        Are our observations accurate or thought distortions? 
        Is our perspective warped? 
        What do we do when the darkness descends? 

I immediately do a variety of things based on my mood, level of angst, amount of sleep I got the night before, how far north the scale registered that morning, and the state of my hair.
I repress.
I block out unacceptable, socially non-sanctioned thoughts.
I intellectualize away my feelings.
I deny my feelings.
I berate myself for having those feelings.
I over think.
I over react.
I distract.
I clean.
I overeat.

On my more “together” days,
I walk.
I ride my tricycle.
I soak in my hot tub.
I breathe deeply.
I knit.
I vent to friends

On all days, I ruminate on my “Parenting Prowess”
Was I a perfect parent?
A near-perfect parent?
A good-enough parent?
Or a truly-awful parent?

My one consoling thought: I’m not alone
Plenty of us are facing challenges when dealing with our adult kids.
Why?
Because though we are still their parents and they are still our kids, they are NO LONGER kids.
And sometimes our expectations for the relationship are set impossibly high.

We can’t control our kids’ lifestyles, values, politics, ethics, morals, partner choices, religious practices and beliefs, how they raise our grand kids, professional/ occupation choices, where they live, food preferences and how much they choose to let us in about both the minutiae and critical issues in their lives

Can you relate?
If you can, let’s tackle this together.

I’m hosting a five-week zoom event focusing on PARENTING ADULT KIDS (PAK) in September. Join the PAK.
We’ll hear from authors, therapists, life coaches, clergy, moms and dads in the trenches, adult kids and YOU.

We’ll hear from authors, therapists and life coaches, clergy, moms and dads in the trenches, adult kids
and YOU.

In preparation for the launch, I invite you to take a short survey. LINK

One parting memo: my kids are not causing my angst. They are caring, loving, and supportive. My inability to make the leap from parenting kids to parenting adult kids is the cause of my angst. And it’s mine to “cure.”

Keep Preserving Your Bloom – Fight the Fade,

Iris Ruth Pastor