The first thing that happened was that a good friend’s mother died. Okay, not that unusual as my friend is in her 70’s; but we all thought her amazing mother would live forever – after all, she was 106!
The second thing that impacted me was that a friend who we haven’t seen in years had a heart attack while playing tennis and died just a few days later – having never regained consciousness.
That’s when I decided it was time to stop postponing a first date with a very attractive man my age.
We met on a Thursday afternoon at a hip bistro. He ordered a fancy flavored iced tea and I chose a cappuccino. We sat and talked for over an hour – while he nursed his beverage and I wolfed mine down (out of nervousness, I’m sure).
I had prepared a massive list of probing questions – perhaps a little off-putting to him. Nevertheless, he good-naturedly mulled over each one and his answers were laced with interesting tidbits.
Here’s a sampling of what I asked him:
What is something people would be surprised to learn about you?
What’s your ideal vacation?
What are you most grateful for in your life?
What’s your favorite time of day?
What would you consider your biggest fault?
What’s the most valuable lesson you ever learned?
What is one thing about yourself you’d like to change?
What do you look for in a partner?
What’s one thing you wish you knew at age 30 that you know now?
What are three things you want included in your obit?
What do you consider your greatest strength?
What advice would you give for dealing with loss and change?
My final question to him deviated from my carefully constructed format in that it only required a “Yes “or “No” reply.
“Would you like to go out with me again?”
He answered affirmatively.
Before leaving the bistro, we asked one of the servers if she would take a picture of us. She smiled as she handed me back my phone, whispering, “New beginnings are so awesome.”
“Yes,” I said, “especially after 45 years of marriage.”
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
Iris Ruth Pastor
PS I find that lots of people ask me what I’m reading.
I just started Pachinko by Min Jin Lee, recommended by a member of my book club. It’s billed as an engaging story of a Korean family in Japan and their struggle to achieve a sense of home in this world. It delivers.
Caste: The Origins of our Discontents by Isabel Wilkerson has been on my nightstand forever and I’m about a third of the way through. It’s a book best read in snippets because it prompts much ruminating and self-examination.
I just ordered from Amazon The Empathy Diaries by Sherry Turkle after reading about it in the Sunday edition of the New York Times. It deals with a recurrent issue: finding connection in a time of uncharted challenges.