I know that one of the greatest challenges of aging is being able to accept that closely held relationships change.
- Aging parents look to their adult children for help – not so much the other way around.
- Maturing grandkids aren’t quite as enchanted with their grandparents as they were when they were toddlers.
I feel the shifting away of my teenage grandkids’ interest and attention.
I feel the pulling away.
And I wonder: Am I the only grandparent who feels like this?
Here is a letter I recently wrote to my five oldest grandchildren in an effort to keep those bonds strong:
Dear Grandkids,
I remember when you were little and your grandfather and I would visit. We’d be greeted with excited, tight hugs and sloppy wet kisses.
Those days are long gone. And that is perfectly okay.
Slowly, gradually, over the years, the wide world has opened-up for you. And you have formed lots of connections beyond just your extended family: School. Camp. Sunday School. Sports. Friends. Travel. All have expanded your horizons.
And as is natural, grandparents became relegated at this juncture to a not-so-relevant status. That’s part of growing-up. My friends who also have grandkids whose ages are now in double digits tell me this is a natural progression. Books on grandparenting underscore this reality too.
(Fortunately, I have been writing a slice-of-life column for almost 40 years. In the long, distant future, you will have the opportunity to read those columns if you so desire – along with the two books I have written. And you will know me in another context too.)
But NOW IS NOW. And I want to share with you some of my thoughts and musings in an effort to keep our relationship vibrant and our strong connection intact.
It’s okay if you don’t read this letter now (although maybe you will have time over your holiday break).
Just promise me TWO things:
- You won’t throw this away.
- And at some point in the not-so-distant future you will read this and you will answer me.
I love you,
Nana
Notes From Nana
December 13, 2025
7:55 pm
Dear Grandkids,
I’m reading a book called Heart of a Stranger by Rabbi Angela Buchdahl. She is the head rabbi at Central Synagogue in NYC and she is unique: her mother is a Korean Buddhist!
“WHAT MAKES YOU YOU?”
The rabbi asks this question when she sits with a child on the cusp of their Bar or Bat Mitzvah. Because she has dealt with the question many times in her own life, she recognizes the importance of knowing yourself.
She’s not really asking her students about their classes, sports, or hobbies. She’s not asking them about what they DO.
She wants them to tell her stories reflecting who they ARE. She wants to know their hurdles, their quirks, their super-powers and their strengths and challenges.
- This interchange helps the student begin to figure out their place in the world.
- And it gives Rabbi Buchdahl an opportunity to remind each one of them that there has never been another person exactly like each of them and there will never be again.
She goes on to say:
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Celebrate your uniqueness.
Just be YOU.
That’s my message to you also!
Now, please write, text, call or e mail me back and let me know three or four things that MAKE YOU YOU.
I love you,
Nana