Question:
What’s The BEST Gift You Can Give Your Adult Kids?
Answer:
A detailed plan for your future care and well-being if and/or when you should become unable to care for yourself due to physical debilitation or cognitive decline
Sure, there is a plethora of information available online for what legal documents need to be in place. This is not what this article is about. This article is focused on more subtle things that are not readily apparent, but need to be mulled over, decided and dealt with nonetheless.
Take one of my long-time friends:
- Her husband died
- She sank into a deep depression
- She began experiencing cognitive issues
- Her son realized she couldn’t continue to live safely in the family home
- He flew in and put the house up for sale
- The house sold in one day, contingent on quick occupancy
- My friend was promptly re-settled in an assisted living facility
Did she take her art supplies?
Her favorite pair of jeans?
The family pictures she wished to surround herself with?
Some of the potted plants she so tirelessly nurtured?
The coffee mug she used daily for that first coveted cup?
She and I live many miles apart, so I don’t know.
But it gave me the chills to think that if that happened to me, I would have no idea about what I wanted to take with me, what I wanted to give to family members and what I wanted to dispose of.
What I DO know is that we can prevent this from happening by having a plan in place.
I watch my friends as they age and their situations change. I begin to see that chaos and stress on adult children can be vastly pared down if there are written wishes from parents to be relied upon. Clarity about what we want, when we want it and where we would like to be if we can’t adequately care for ourselves reduces indecision, prevents regret, and gives our children a roadmap that provides some guidance in their decision making.
None of us have a crystal ball. None of us definitively know what the future holds. (We plan. God laughs.) But a plan in place is a starting point for our kids if we cannot advocate for ourselves.
If that same scenario happened to you – and let’s face it – it very well could – how prepared are you?
Let’s all do a little inventory of our homes.
I went through each room of my house.
First I surveyed what was visible and then I began opening drawers and closets in search of things I simply couldn’t live without.
Surprisingly, there were very few must-haves I would want to take with me.
But, not surprisingly, what I wanted, I wanted.
No compromises.
Here’s a sampling of items I would like to carry forth to my new digs if at some time in the future an assisted living facility calls out my name:
- My recently framed group of enlarged photographs from a celebration of my husband’s and my 50th wedding anniversary
- My Aura apparatus which provides a steady stream of pictures of family and friends
- My indoor wicker furniture
- My air fryer, coffee maker, toaster oven and coffee bean grinder
- My size 7 knitting needles and balls of multi-colored yarn
- My black unitards
Of course, I’m not done.
In the coming weeks, I will add more specifics to my list, taking photos too.
I don’t want my kids to have to guess.
I don’t want to be pressured into making last minute decisions.
I’m not waiting for any warning signs of doom.
I’m starting right now.
I hope you will too.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
