Thanksgiving comes early this year. Hence, this week’s column – dealing with getting in the right frame of mind and preparing ahead of time to ward off family issues.
I don’t excel in the kitchen. No magnificently stuffed, basted and roasted turkey will ever emerge from my seldom-used oven to my gleaming Lenox serving platter – unless someone else makes it. The same with homemade pumpkin pie.
I must confess: I am more interested in what goes on around the table rather than what dishes get placed on the table.
So here are some suggestions for a memorable, enjoyable and richly textured Thanksgiving experience:
Cultivate a Thanksgiving frame of mind.
Compose a handwritten note of thanks to a few people who have extended to you the gift of kindness in the past year.
“Fill your car with frozen turkeys and cart them down to a local food bank to be distributed,” suggests my friend Joyce. “I do this a couple of days before Thanksgiving. And I stuff boxes there as well. I feel good and it enables the family receiving the food able to celebrate Thanksgiving too.”
Once around the table:
Recall: One of my more outrageous friends, whose identity will remain hidden, boldly suggests sitting around the table and recalling “Disasters of Thanksgivings Past.” With a twinkle in her eye, she cautions me that only those with a well-endowed sense of humor and tolerant of some good-natured ribbing should attempt this. Here are two examples to jog your memory: Grandma burning the turkey to a crisp and Willy and his wild sons knocking over the entire Thanksgiving dessert table while tossing a Nerf football over it.
Diversion: “My family fights over everything,” another friend who will remain nameless, admits. “We always need diversion to prevent arguments from flaring up. Because we don’t get together over the December holiday season, we make a practice of exchanging gifts at the Thanksgiving table. The person in charge for that year passes out one name to each person a few weeks before Thanksgiving. That person buys a book for the person whose name he received, based on their interests. He wraps it and presents it to the person, along with an explanation of why he picked that particular book for him. It’s fun and prevents much dreaded smoldering family resentments to inflame – at least until the meal is over.”
Nostalgia: “Take a group picture before the food courses commence – and add it to a collage of group pictures, which get displayed each year. It’s hysterical to see how people age,” my friend Nina remarks wickedly. “And great motivation for pre-Thanksgiving dieting.”
Gratitude: “It’s tried, true and trite but what can it hurt? Go around the table and ask each person to talk BRIEFLY about one thing they are grateful/thankful for,” suggests Gail. “And with technology surrounding us, we often utilize Zoom or Face time with relatives celebrating elsewhere.“
Remember the disconcerting scene from the movie, “Avalon,” produced by Barry Levinson? One brother yelled at the other, “You cut the turkey without me.” And they never spoke again.
Remember the quote written by Oscar Wilde? “After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”
Let’s face it. We wait to cut the turkey until all guests have arrived. We make sure the food is delectable. Still, there can be folks seated around our Thanksgiving table that we just can’t stand. How do we get through the meal without a major meltdown? Knife fight? Or hair pulling ruckus?
Here’s a few suggestions from me – a self-proclaimed know-it-all – who sports absolutely no professional qualifications:
Lower your expectations
Dwell on the positive
Don’t look for a slight – or you’ll be sure to find one
Listen more than talk
Avoid expounding on religion, politics or The Middle East
And if things heat-up, pop open another bottle of wine & slug away
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
