Things I Didn’t Know About My Mother

Years after my mom passed away, I found her musings about ordinary days in her life. I thought I knew her well – now I’m not quite so sure.
 
At age 88, she made a commercial aimed at securing funds for the Art Deco train station in Cincinnati and it passed resoundingly.   

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdPsYM8tl2Q

She was the mom who entered me in a Sophia Loren lookalike contest, hosted by none other than Jerry Springer. I came in second. 
 
She was the grandmother who entered her grandson, Louie, into the Elvis Presley lookalike contest and he won!
 
And she was my co-author on my very first book, Slices, Bites and Other Facts of Life where she absolutely refused to both proofread our copy and prepare for interviews by the media – preferring just to “wing it.”
Both of which drove me crazy.
 

 
Here is some stuff I didn’t know:
 
Tuesday, January 22, 2013 9:54pm
After years of being a devoted daughter, loving war bride, busy housewife, mother, grandmother and great grandmother, here I am in my too immaculate, too quiet apartment – all alone.
My husband of 68 years passed away and left me without warning. We had made a pact when he finally returned from overseas after World War 2 that we would never be separated again. We stuck to that pact through good times and bad. This is not the way it was supposed to be. I wanted to go first, but now I realize how selfish that would have been on my part.
In my generation, the wife took care of the home and the children. The husband was responsible for bringing home the bacon, so to speak. Nothing more. Consequently, my husband couldn’t boil water, no less prepare a meal for himself. He never learned how to work the washer or dryer or heaven forbid – sleep alone – without me beside him. What would have become of him, I wonder?
 
Sunday, January 27, 2013 10:0am
It’s Sunday morning and I overslept. Usually I’m up and about by 7:30. I jumped out of bed too fast and became dizzy, but caught myself before I took a fall. Ah, these golden years! As Bette Davis said, “Old age ain’t for sissies.” 
Why am I feeling guilty about sleeping late? It’s not like I have anyone waiting for me, nor am I on a timetable anymore. I am responsible only for myself and I find that unbearable to comprehend. 
 
 
Friday, February 6, 2015 12:15pm
Like my daughter, Iris, I always feel better when I write. This is about my son-in-law’s mother, Hotche Pastor, on her upcoming 90^th birthday:
Never thought the pretty little girl 
that I waved to in the halls of Hughes
would someday ease my “family” blues.
Many years later, she and Herb walked into my life,
when Steven and Iris became man and wife.
Finally, I have a family of my own. 
Never again would I feel alone.
Through sorrow and joy, her and her family were there,
standing beside me with loving care.
Holiday dinners, reunions and bar mitzvahs galore –
all a part of what families are for.
So here’s to your birthday, wishing you many more –
Filled with health, happiness and much love in store.
Your loving “sister,”
Bev
 

Hotche, on left, and Bev, on the right.

 
March 16, 2016 3:32pm
Came home from the hospital all strung out.
When will I ever be up and about?
Nurses and aids doing their best
to keep up with my every request.
At 89, my knee went out of commission.
I called 9-1-1 – a wise decision.
After 10 painful days of TLC,
here I am fighting the battle of the knee.
Therapy hurts and I’m dizzy as well.
They tell me I’m lucky I never fell.
With all this attention and excellent care,
maybe I won’t need a wheel chair.
I can handle a walker. That might be good
if only the knee will behave as it should.
 
Saturday, April 30, 2016 4:01pm
Another lonely, empty day.
My family is scattered all over the country.
I’ve gone back to painting flowers on small canvases
And giving them to people I know.
It seems to make them happy.
And it makes me happy too.
 
 

Friday, June 16, 2017 2:30pm
Unable to fly, so I gaze at the sky from afar,
thankful I’ve got keys and can still drive my car.
Don’t hear as well as I’d like,
and my legs fold at the thought of a hike.
I remember things I’d sooner forget,
and forget to remember what I came to get.
More time with my kids, this they can’t give,
yet they are the very reason I want to live.
When my time is up, I’ll be ready to go
but while I’m here, I want you to know
I earned every wrinkle and each gray hair.
And at 90, I still really care.
To my precious family and very dear friends,
I have this to say:
Thanks for the ride.
It’s been a trip all the way.
 
Thursday, January 11, 2018 3:35pm
A people watcher at heart am I,
watching everyone hurrying by.
Here I am in this huge mall,
remembering when it was very small.
The shops were few, but quite unique
from modern and clever to old and antique.
It wasn’t as crowded as it is today,
a safer area for the children to play.
 
Nothing is as it used to be.
Well, neither am I. Just look at me.
Sitting here like a lump on a log,
I can hardly walk, no less jog.
 
Our next generation, in plain sight,
energetic and so very bright.
Contented I’ll be when laid to rest
that I leave the future to the very best.
In good hands, from what I see today,
to love and protect our USA.
 
Friday, January 19, 2018 5:42pm
Meanwhile, I try to survive one day at a time.
“Mourn not for what you don’t have, but rejoice in what you do have.” I don’t know where I heard it, but it works for me when I’m having a bad day.
And like my daughter Iris says, “keep coping.”
And I’ll also “Keep Preserving My Bloom” – although it’s pretty damn faded by now.
 
 
My mother passed away as she wished to go:
      On her 91st birthday 
      Surrounded by those she loved 
      and those who loved her, 
      and free of pain.
 
That’s all, folks,
 
Iris Ruth Pastor