How It All Began…

On August 15th of this year, my husband and I celebrated our 45^thwedding anniversary.
 
However, that is not the only anniversary I am celebrating this month.
 
Thirty-one years ago this month, I started writing my “Incidentally, Iris” column.

Here’s how it all transpired:

Everyone has a special friend from their past and I was certainly no exception. My friend and I grew up together, walked the same neighborhood streets together, moaned over the same moronic boys together and managed to graduate both high school and college with a modicum of dignity.
 
We both married young, gave birth to two sons and proceeded to get divorced. Not exactly the American Dream, but certainly not a highly uncommon occurrence. 
 
In the years following, we spoke at least two to three times a week by phone – as we emptied the dishwasher, folded the ever-present piles of laundry, prepared dinner and wiped runny noses. 
 
And one day, she called and said, ”Iris, I found something you could do and I’m sending it to you in the mail.”
 
Sure enough, a package arrives two days later. It is a newspaper – a parenting newspaper to be exact – published and written by a housewife and mother (just like me) living in Baltimore, Maryland. 
 
My friend was right. I could do this.
 
Just a few weeks before the first issue of Cincinnati Kids came out, I took my sons to Tampa, Florida for my yearly visit to see my aunt and uncle.
            I was cooped up in a two-bedroom house my two sons from    my first marriage and my three little boys
            From my second marriage
            I was in the same city where I had experienced a failed first marriage
            My aunt was absent minded
            My uncle was ailing
            And my second husband was in Cincinnati working
 
I wrote a first-person account about my two-week ordeal and used it in the premier edition of Cincinnati Kids. I titled my column “Incidentally, Iris” in case I came up with any other things I wanted to comment on in future issues. And I signed off with the phrase “Keep Coping” – which was about the only thing that got me through my visit. 
 
Since that time I’ve written on a large variety of subjects – accidents, guilt, ill health, lousy behavior. Lousy meals. Lousy days. I‘ve written about goals attained and those that fell short. I’ve written about losses avoided and losses sustained. Honor. Awards. Hard won wisdom. I’ve written about my family, my friends, my acquaintances. My failures. And my triumphs.
 
At first, I believed that my columns were well received because my kids and my husband and my life were so interesting that no one could resist reading about my experiences. As time went on, I learned differently.
 
Reader’s comments were in relation to their own life and personal concerns. Not mine.
 
When I wrote about losing my grandmother at such a young age, people who had experienced that same kind of premature loss spoke up.
 
When I wrote about coming to terms with the poignancy and ambivalence involved in watching my children grow up and flee the nest, parents experiencing that same kind of emotion spoke up.
 
When I wrote about watching my “average” children excel – and sometimes not excel – in school and sports and test taking, parents who also had “average” children spoke up.
 
When I wrote about the delight of stealing a few moments of solitude and relaxation from a busy day of responsibilities and deadlines, people who also had time constraints and pressures spoke up.
 
The feedback always was and continues to be centered around my ability to be in my readers’ kitchens – to mirror their thoughts, fears, goals, happy moments and aspirations. 
 
All this time I thought I was writing a column about me. It took me a long time to realize I was writing a column also about you. 
 
                           What “Incidentally, Iris” led to…

A lot of doors swung open. Invitations to speak about my experiences as a mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend started streaming in. 
 
Months later, a local AM radio station launched “Sunday Night with Iris” a weekly radio slot where I interviewed story-worthy guests about what they were up to and involved in.
 
And in 1996, my mom and I published Slices, Bites and Other Facts of Life – a compilation of my columns and her comments – reflecting our insights, hard won knowledge and philosophy.  
 

 
Websites, Facebook, Instagram, guest blogging, and zoom chats followed, as did another book: The Secret Life of a Weight Obsessed Woman. 
 
I had found my happy place – my tribe – and my path continues to evolve, adapt and morph.  
 

What’s changed over the last 32 years?

I have more free time. 
I have far more wrinkles. 
My columns are shorter
I no longer sign-off with the ending: Keep Coping
And Rita now too is happily re-married.
 
Hats off to all of you who have been and continue to be part of my journey.
 
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,
 
Iris Ruth Pastor