2AM: I’m too riled up to sleep. I toss and turn, but drowsiness evades me as my mind continues to race.
I go over the events of the last couple of months – replaying conversations with each of my five sons and my three daughters-in-law. Vividly re-living each interaction with every one of my six grandchildren, as we welcome in yet one more.
Nothing helps settle me down.
Unfamiliar and strange emotions wash over me. I get up, look anxiously at my watch, drink a full glass of water and lay back down. I think about the last time I saw my sister and how much fun we had watching OSU beat Michigan on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.
More tossing and turning.
I doze and wake abruptly minutes later. I kick off the covers – twist my legs and arms into new positions – and begin reciting a list of all the states in the union in alphabetical order – an exercise that usually prompts the z’s to stealthily sneak in.
4AM: Beset with shivers, I pull the covers back over me and once more – breathing deeply – will sleep to overtake my over stimulated senses. My mind whirls back to my husband and I at the Righteous Brothers concert, where we realized we haven’t “lost that lovin’ feelin’ “ after all.
6AM: As the first rays of sunrise filter in through the bedroom blinds, I give up. I rise slowly – heading downstairs for my coffee machine – still puzzling over this newly felt emotion whose intensity kept me awake all night.
It’s not until I sit quietly at my kitchen table – fully aware of the dawning day – that the answer to why I spent a sleepless night comes to me.
I wasn’t worried.
Nor frustrated.
Nor agitated.
Feelings that often guarantee a poor night’s sleep for me.
This was different.
Intense. Yes.
Disruptive. Yes.
But NOT bad.
It took me a while to process what was going on – to realize I was simply enveloped in a state of bliss.
It’s been such a long time since I’ve had such a strong, rich feeling of pure pleasure that I was slow to recognize the feeling: A Moment of Exquisite Happiness. Knowing it is fleeting – unsustainable – I steady myself and allow the ecstasy to flow through me.
Even if they do cause sleepless nights, here’s to joy.
Keep Preserving Your Bloom.
Iris Ruth Pastor